I have read different statistics about my disease. On the official website it says the incidence of CIDP is 1 to 3 in a million. I have had weird stuff happen to me. I had encephalitis when I was 8. I am dyslexic. I had mono when I was 22 and was in the hospital for 10 days. I had 3 giant babies.
Through all of these things, I have always felt lucky. Some people say blessed. I used to say that. Maybe I will get back to saying that. I am not ready yet.
My wise sister Mandy said that our family was very lucky. Sure, we had our shit. Everyone has their shit. We, as a family, always landed on our feet. And then my dad got a super rare form of cancer and died. And it was like a hole was ripped in our universe. And our luck changed.
But yesterday I felt lucky again. A NICE man at Costco, who grew up in Colorado, noticed I was struggling to unload my cart, and helped me put my groceries in my van. And I found $20 on the ground!
I am going to buy a Powerball ticket today. I think our luck is changing.
Do you feel lucky? Do you feel blessed? Or not? Please share!
I feel blessed because I feel like my problems are "First World" problems. My children will most likely not die from malaria. We have clean drinking water, indoor plumbing, heat, beds, plenty of food, hot showers, medicine and readily available health care (for now), and all the true luxuries that I take for granted everyday. Things at which billions of people, worldwide, would marvel. I feel blessed that I have developed empathy that some may never know simply by having to physically and emotionally struggle on a daily basis. I do not feel like this everyday. Somedays I curse my lot in life. But if I'm being truly honest with myself and assessing what blessings I've been given, just being born an American into a great family is more than I deserve.
ReplyDeleteLuck and blessings are all relative. Maybe you are blessed by CIDP....maybe Dad was lucky when he tore a hole in our universe. Someday we may know. For now all we can do is look for the blessings around us...it is a far less lonely way to live than to merely rely on luck.
ReplyDeleteI feel really lucky, like I've landed on my feet a number of times.
ReplyDeleteMy childhood was a little crazy. I can say that now. My mom was young and had mental problems. My dad, a drug addict, sold drugs out of our house. We were poor, as my dad couldn't keep a job. This eventually led to their divorce. Sometimes my mom worked 3 jobs at a time, leaving me alone for up to 12 hours starting when I was 6. I remember checking and rechecking our locks because I was sure someone was going to be waiting for me inside my house after school.
My high school boyfriend followed me to college. He soon became abusive and I became depressed. When meds didn't work, I was hospitalized and eventually moved back to KC (with him...though...ugh...it took me years to figure out that he was a big part of the problem). I still finished college and got a job that I loved! However, my first thought (and usually 20-30 more times a day) upon waking for 4 years was whether or not I was going to kill myself that day. Luckily, I never followed the plan.
I do feel lucky. I have some great friends and have met some great people that have definitely helped me along the way, but ultimately, it was me. I just didn't give up, even when it took every ounce of my soul not to.
I'm reminded of that every time I run a long run. Just keep going. The hills turn into valleys and eventually the pain will stop.
Now I have a supporting, loving husband who would do anything for his family. I have 3 healthy kids of whom we can afford to feed, clothe, and shelter. When I go back to work, I know that I will go back to a job that I once loved and felt was important. I do feel lucky. Really lucky.
Sarah, I've told you this before, but it can't hurt saying again. I feel so lucky to have met you. I'm not always certain about divine intervention, but something special happened that day and I am very grateful that it did.
Hi Sarah. When I read your blog the one word that kept coming to my spirit is "Strength" and I know that you have shown incredible strength throughout this journey and even in writing this blog strength is reflected. Your luck may certainly be changing & I use to also believe in luck...then over the years I realized it was so much more than that & attributed it to Gods favor and His blessing. When I met you guys in '98, I thought I was the luckiest international recruit to get have a family like the Brubakers (even though it was for such a brief time) and then as I became a mom & time passed by I realized - I wasn't lucky, I was actually blessed & that it was Gods favor who orchestrated everything. You guys welcomed me unselfishly and given me the fondest memories ever. I just want to encourage you to keep believing, keep fighting, keep writing & I’m going to keep praying. This is just temporary & like seasons....this too shall change. Much Love, Gail (South Africa)
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