A long ride home

We went to Iowa for the weekend.  It was rainy and cold.   Everyone had a good time seeing family and relaxing.  Brett got to go fishing.  We ate mushrooms.   It was nice to not have to worry about keeping up with things at home.  We all needed the break.

About an hour into our 5 hour ride home, Brett and I had a very deep conversation.  It is hard to sum it up.  It was about deserving what you get.  About God and how if we believe that we are covered by God's protection, we also have to believe that the bad stuff that happens is also sent from God.  It is funny to talk to people now, I feel more attuned to what people are saying about their lives in relation to what I am going through.  Lots of people say things like "Thank God it (whatever they have faced) was not that bad.". "God has spared me from such and such.". Things like that.  Everybody has a story about how they were protected.  If you believe that you are protected by God, then you have to believe the opposite right?  You have to believe that God does not protect you.  And He did not protect me. 

Brett has a different philosophy.  He thinks that God has nothing to do with any of it. Good or bad. Everything is random.  He said something very profound to me that I spent a lot of time thinking about, he said "I think we just have to hope we are not it the way when the shit hits the fan.". I think that he is right.  

I don't believe that my dad deserved his end.  The verdict is still out on me.  My sister reminded me today about something that the priest said at my dads funeral about sacrifical suffering.  Suffering for the sake of others.  If I have to go through this to spare others, so be it.  If it spares mine, I will take it for the greater good.  

Maybe I had a simplistic view of God and His protection.  I liked that view.  Now things are much more complicated.  And so is my relationship with God.  

Needless to say, it was a long trip home.  I cannot stop to long to think about any of this because if I do, I feel like I will just stop.  Stopping is not an option.  

Does any of this make sense?  Probably not.  

Here is some good news, I feel really good!  I am 4 weeks post IVIG, and I am still on a uphill swing!  I can really wiggle my right foot.  By really, I mean more than in the video. Maybe I will post another one.  Maybe Brett and I will do a volg.   Maybe I should ask him first!   

All my love!