Mothering

For the first time since November 1, I am mothering my children alone.  Back to the way things used to be before.  Except not.

My mom was here a very long time this winter.  I spent a lot of the time she was here sitting.  Checked out in the chair in my living room.  I got out of bed every day (except the day I had the lumbar puncture, and maybe the day I was diagnosed).  But she mothered my children.  She loved them, read to them, went to school functions, did it all.  When Brett got home, she stepped in there as well.  She helped with dinner and homework.  All the while, she watched me go through the pain and the lack of a diagnosis.  I cannot imagine watching my child suffer.  But she did.  My mom has been through hell, to say the least.  I know she will come out on the other side.  To say I love you and thank you seems far too simple.  

My brother was here.  My inlaws. My sister.  They were all here for a short time.  Now it is all up to me.  And, I do not want to count my chickens before they have hatched, but we all made it through alive.

It was not the week I was worried about, it the long haul.  We are looking at moving closer to family. Brett is tired.  I am tired.  We will need help getting through the treatments.  I have always been a planner.  This disease is making it very difficult to plan our life.

But today, and tomorrow, and forever, I am being a mother.